Monday, January 12, 2009

Garbage....Adam Sandler, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt

I believe that in one weekend, I engaged in watching two of the worst movies in HISTORY. Yes, they finally took the crown from Ground Hog day, which has been holding that title since I saw it when I was only 11 years old. It only took 15 years to find a movie equally, if not worse, than Ground Hog Day. Really you can show the same day over, and over, and over, and over again, it's not getting any better....SHOOT ME!

New Year's Day. We ate our ham, black eyed peas, and Green Beans (substituted for turnip greens-since we didn't have any) I think that is what started my demise and fortune in renting quality movies, because first up....Don't Mess with the Zohan. I don't really know what to say. It was unbearable to watch, so much in fact that I fell asleep after 30 minutes into it. The first 30 minutes might have been more enjoyable had I been blindfolded and had someone slowly pull out my finger and toe nails. I am not kididng. The movie is centered around a Israeli solider who fakes his death so he can come to NYC to be a hair stylist. No wait for the clincher...he's not gay(even though he is more flamboyant than "Just Jack" at a Cher concert) and likes to bang old ladies. That's where I draw the line....he styles their hair, then takes them to the storage closet to "keep them coming back" It was disgusting, disturbing, and written by someone who was obviously owing someone a screenplay, and since they hadn't written anything, decided to "live" the lyrics to Afroman's "Because I got high" all while writing a screenplay.
Adam Sandler and Company...I expect more from you....If you don't have anything good to produce...don't produce anything at all.
The Lucky part about the whole movie, is that we only spent $1 at Redbox, had I rented it from Blockbuster, you bet your ass I would have been demanding a refund on that hunk of junk!

Next up...I rented two movies during the weekend after New Year's, the first one being a Season of Family Guy, (can't ever go wrong with that-best animated show on TV-Stewie's my favorite). Where I went wrong.....thinking that George Clooney and Brad Pitt together would be alot like the Ocean's movies. That's the most whacked out thought I have ever had!

There was no real plot, excpet that George Clooney was pretty much a "David Duchovny-real life and on the show Californication." It's suppose to be that they gym retards find a CD containing the information of an ex CIA guy's (but one that isn't very high up, and pretty much useless) memoirs of his time in the CIA. He quit and has nothing else to do. But the gym freaks decide to Black mail him, the lady from the gym obviously had gastic bypass and is lumpy from it and wants plastic surgery, and hopes that blackmailing this guy, she will be able to afford it. Okay I am bored with talking about it, it really was a disaster!

After the movie was over, all I could think was that I just wasted too much time in my life, that I will never get back. The movie would be more appropriately named "Burn before Watching".

Save your money, wether it be a $1 from Redbox or $5 from BlockBuster, it's a waste of time and money. It's obvious that Mr. Pitt took this role so he could film in Washington D.C. and have some sanity time away from "Lips" and their brood of kids, why else would an A-list actor take this role. George Clooney, not sure why he did either, the cocktail waitress girlfriend must have still been living with him at this point, so going on location would help remove the thoughts of the fact that "Vegas didn't stay in Vegas," DUDE-don't you know you don't bring Vegas home with you, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"!!!

Point of today's Blog- SAVE FELLOW American's from ruining a perfectly good evening with renting either of these two movies!! SAVE YOURSELF!!

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