Monday, August 9, 2010

Beware of standing water

I am not going to lie, I get enjoyment when I hear of others peeing in their pants from laughing. I have been reading Chelsea Handler's new book, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and in the parts where she talks about having to hold herself while walking to the pier for "Dudley's" fake funeral, it really makes me nearly pee my pants. This reminds me of last summer's beach trip with my boyfriends friends, when I peed my pants while playing putt putt. And as Paul Harvey says...."The rest of the story"... After devouring the all you can eat seafood buffet, we hit Mutiny Bay to play a little putt putt. After one round, decide what the heck, lets do the other course. This course was an obstacle course, you spin the wheel and it tells you funny stuff to do. After we had been at it awhile, I get to one that tells me I have 10 seconds from the time I hit the ball to get it in the hole. I mean business....I take off my flip flops as I don't want that to hinder my quest. I whack the ball and start running to see where it doesn't stop...I hit it so hard that it bounces off the designated "green" and hits the sidewalk and heads for the fence. It rolls past the chain link fence, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been straight off a 20 ft wall and falls into the parking lot. I start laughing, and I hear Beth laughing and say I am going to pee. That's all it took. I am laughing so hard and dancing around and there it goes...I start peeing and the laughing won't let me stop...the shut off valve didn't there I am a 27 year old with a big wet spot on my bright blue shorts and under me a puddle.... Did I tell you this is my first beach trip with these folks...I am quite embarrassed as I have to finish the putt putt course with pee pants. I am now 28 and still pee in my pants a little if I laugh to hard....I think its genetics. I really do appreciate hearing that other people have weak bladders when laughter is for that, Chelsea Handler...I am thankful for your stories and ability to pee in your pants when something funny happens. See photo to the left....that's from the putt putt place of incident...can you see why I peed in my pants...laughing, plus waterfall....

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Quilted Memories

Retailers put a price on clothes. A pair of slacks for $60. A pair of jeans $50. A T-shirt $15. The funny thing is, despite the price tag, the item of clothing is priceless. It has a perceived value as far as dollars go to the store selling it, but once you get it home and wear it, it has value far beyond the bar code.

*Life, love, and laughter - what priceless gifts to give our children*

When the tag is cut off, the shopping bags are thrown away. The real value sets in. A shirt worn on a family vacation, a pair of jeans worn on the tractor, A shirt worn on the last Christmas together, a sport coat worn on the last living weekend, a shirt that was worn on the last night on this earth. All of these items are items I remember my Daddy wearing. All the items have sentimental value beyond any price tag in the world.

*Our clothes are too much a part of us for most of us ever to be entirely indifferent to their condition: it is as though the fabric were indeed a natural extension of the body, or even of the soul. ~Quentin Bell*

They say you don't need alot of stuff, it's not like you can take it with you when you die. When someone dies, they don't need the things they've acquired over the years, but the people left behind do. Memories are what keep someone with you, memories keep you sane, memories are what remind you of what you had. Memories come in all sorts of packages, memories cling to all sorts of things.

*Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.*

After my dad died, I couldn't for see getting rid of his clothes. I just wanted to grab all the hangers off the rack and hug them all closely. I know there are needy people out there and that we should donate them, but in my mind, no one is worthy of wearing his clothes. My sister and I decided to pull all the pieces that had meaning to us and that memories were attached to. They are being made into a quilt. A quilt that I can look at and remember when he wore that shirt, jacket, or jeans. A quilt that will be a walk down memory lane. A quilt that brings my past to my future, to my future children so they can have a piece of their grandfather they won't get to know, but would have spoiled them rotten and adored them if he were alive.

*Blankets wrap you in warmth, Quilts wrap you in love*

Quilts are meant to bring warmth, but this quilt will not only bring warmth, it will bring comfort on the sad days, it will bring security on the hard days, and it will bring love to my soul every single day. On the days I miss my Daddy the most I can wrap it around me and feel his hug.

Shit....I have a headache now from all the crying....

Friday, August 6, 2010

My "I'm ready for Fall" Wish List

So a new season, brings about new needs, am I right or am I right?!? Fall brings about happy dancing memories of mums, pumpkins, football season, crispness in the air, and a glass of wine on the back porch surrounded by mums, pumpkins, crisp air, and pretty leaves...dang it...LEAVES...please refer to my previous blog "Pretty Leaves my ass". Anyway lets get by to the nice, pleasantries of Fall..... Thanks to the wonderful blog Possessionista I have fallen in like, maybe love down the "leaf covered" road with a pair of shoes....these shoes....See Possessionista's blog on themI will probably ride out this desire to purchase and focus a little more on say....devising a plan to save time, energy, and my back on raking leaves....What if I put down fish netting all the way around my tree....then pick them up all at once...would that work?!?! Just an idea...I FREAKING hate raking leaves....and now I suddenly dread the fall....these shoes have turned happiness into shear and utter dread. Leaves....%@#$^#$%&#$^*#%^#%....okay I can now breathe and get on with my day...I just had to get that out of my system! Peace, Love, and I HATE LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Spanx you very much

Is it love?Is it hate? Or is it indifference? That is the question(s). I tried on a dress this morning, albeit the only article that still remains from high school (If I find a picture of me in it from HS later, I will post). It still fits, but just a little snug in the hips (which is surprising, because I actually have narrow man hips). So my light bulb goes off.....SPANX... yep that'll do the trick. They worked, but before I left for work, I needed to go to the bathroom, which requires you to pretty much undress every time you go to the bathroom (because they need to be pulled all the way up to the bra line). After the extremely time consuming potty run before heading out the door, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror as I had pulled the Spanx up. They were just over my hips. I will say, that had to be to the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. It was like everything starting above my knees was being jacked up my body and pooled right at my mid section. Holy Hell!!! Spanx should now come with a warning....DO NOT...I REPEAT, DO NOT look at your self in the mirror while trying to put your rear into them. It may cause heart failure, or extreme dieting. Side note: I will not be drinking my 64 oz. of water today, because I can't handle getting a full body work out, nor having to undress every time I need to go to the bathroom. Spanx, I love you because you helped me wear a 10 year old dress (not a dress for a 10 yr old, but a dress that I bought 10 years ago) Spanx, I hate you because I saw what I looked like putting them on Spanx, I am indifferent towards you because you did keep me motivated on my quest to shed a few unwanted lbs. Peace, Love, and SUCK IT IN!! (See even skinny Celebs are Spanxing- So I don't feel so fat)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Just around the corner....

IS VACATION!!! Whoop Whoop..Yes, I am dancing on the inside, but calmly typing on the outside. Every year my boyfriend and two of his friends from High School (the group grows as people get married and have babies) go on a beach trip late August. Last year was my first time joining the group. There are 6.25 people going (the 1/4 of a person is Abby, she's just a little of a year old and still compact size and precious). Last year we went to North Myrtle Beach were there is an endless supply of putt putt courses and piss (I pissed in my pants while playing putt putt...I am not proud of this, but it is still dang funny...don't make me laugh too hard...I tend to this instance the shut off valve was broken.....there was a puddle) This year we are opting for a more serene location.....drum roll please....dom...dom...dom...dom... (that's my typed version of the drum roll)........Holden Beach, NC. (reference Red dot please) I am very excited this is the first time I will have been to a North Carolina beach...EVA! But I am not very excited that I will be forced to watch Shark Week on Discovery this week, and to boot...when I googled images for Holden Beach this shiz came up..... (FYI...not for weak stomachs) ....accompanying article If it wasn't official last night after watching people in Cali get eaten by sharks, it is after seeing this article and picture....KELLY'S ASS SHALL STAY UPON THE SAND....I might splash around in water deep enough to cover my feet, but that's it...If anyone wants to go swimming at their own risk that's fine, if you need a beer I will throw you one from the beach! I don't want to be shark bait!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I want my shake with a side of Frye's

Everyone has a little big of wiggle when the walk....if you don't, you better start putting your hips in it!!

But hey, I would rather accentuate my "shake" with some Frye boots. I will give it to them...they made some dang good looking boots! It makes me beg for Fall and Winter...I want it here ASAP, but I don't want colder weather without these AMAZING boots. Here are a few of my favorite in some Celeb sightings....
Anne Hathaway from Frye's Facebook page

Katherine Heigl from Frye Facebook Page
And a FAVorite of mine...
January Jones from Frye's Facebook page
Check all their boots out on The Frye Company website

Dear Mother Nature,

First, will you make money grow on trees so that I can afford a pair, and after that, make the weather suitable for boots!!

Your the best,

Do your ears hang low?

On Sunday I feel in love with a set of ears. What was attached to those ears was a black/tan/ and white bloodhound mix puppy, with eyes that said take me home and cuddle with me and tie my ears in a knot (not cruelly, just as I sing the song...can you tie 'em knot, can you tie 'em in a bow)

I named him Clampett, you know from Beverly Hillbillies. It just seems so fitting doesn't it. I didn't bring him home, but if you know anyone that is interested, he has a brother that looks just like him, and a sister that is a redbone color.

They are available at The Great Dane Rescue of the Carolinas where doggie kisses are always free.