Thursday, August 28, 2008
LEAVE IT in the store, on the hanger, and for some other schmuck to buy.
Okay, so I know this sounds rash, but here's my logic. What sporting team has pink as a team color? I have yet to see one, except maybe some sorority's powder puff team, but that doesn't count.
I know that this trend was started by merchandiser's and marketing guru's that had the idea that to sell to women, we must make it pink. My thoughts on pink are as follows: flamingos, pepto bismol, benedryl, and Molly Ringwold. One is just a Floridian thing that makes trailers trashy, the other well, there is a catchy little jingle that makes you want to go to the bathroom, the other stops allergic reactions, and the last she was just a red head wearing the wrong color! Therefore, pink makes me think of trailers, throwing up, itchy, and fashion faux pas!
For those brilliant merchandisers and supposed marketing gurus....making a jersey pink isn't going to make someone appreciate sports, it's going to make the people standing around her at the stadium to think that her husband/boyfriend/or father bought her that (pink) jersey so that she would feel pretty and enjoy the game if she was dressed in team attire, and therefore knows nothing about what is taking place in front of her....might as well bring a nail file and polish...EXCUSE ME, why would someone automatically assume because you are female, that you would connect to the color pink!!
I know, I am hating on the color pink. I am strongly against pink in sports! Sports are about being strong, competitive, and kicking ass....
Maybe sports just make me want to drink beer, eat a hot dog, and burp and cuss!! Well and when it comes to Georgia Football....scream at the top of my lungs....GOOOOO DAWGS SIC EM, then bark like the DAWG that I am, all while not wearing a stitch of pink.....except if it rains and my red and white bleed together....otherwise, no PINK!!!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
For those that do not know what a scrunchie is (which you must be a man, born post 1995, or just coming out from under a rock) here is an example:
What I don't understand is why a gymnast must wear a scrunchie, there are plenty acceptable forms of pulling ones hair back into a ponytail. A plain rubber band would suffice. I don't care how patriotic or girly this seems, it is unacceptable if you are older than 8 years old, okay maybe 10, but once you hit puberty...it is out of the question, or only if you are going as Lisa Turtle or Jesse Spano for Halloween.
The picture above for example...what the hell is the scrunchie doing beside adding unnessecary bulk at the end of her braid. Like I said a normal pony tail holder would work perfectly fine in this situation. If you are that addicted to the scrunchie...why don't you just use the "normal" pony tail holders by scunci- I mean its name is nearly the same...and hell why not try their clear holders!! That way it's a mystical illusion as to what is holding the hair like that, just like it's a mystal illusion of how the hell one can fling themselves around a bar as good as a gymnast...see picture below:
The above picture is a great example, of how damn distracting a scrunchie is....I can't stop looking at it...So is the scrunchie needed to catapult the hair from the crown of the head so the pony tail is farther away, in the same manner as gymnast catapults themselves from the vault.
Did the USA Gymnastics team go and buy them in bulk so that they all can carry on team spirit with matching scrunchies.... Maybe if they had left the scrunchie out of their hair they may have won gold! (Don't think I am unsupportive of the USA women's team, because if I was, then I wouldn't have stayed up until the wee hours of the morning to watch) I just wished as Americans, they would care a little more about their appearance...or really just be a little more minimal in the hair decor category!!
Also, apparently gymnastics has made the scrunchie so popular that they make holders for them...what a crock of shit...if one person has enough scrunchies to fill up the holder pictured below: they should be sent to tacky camp, or some refugee for socially retarded individuals!
I will finish with an article I found on the history of the scrunchie:
History of ... the Scrunchie : Bold 1980s hair accessory still makes millions in sales ( my note: because of gymnasts and three year olds)
You've all worn them girls- whether you admit it or not. They come in patriotic, polka dot, animal, teddybear, heart and tie-dyed prints to name a few. Then of course there's the cotton, beaded, silk, fur, crocheted, knit and suede options.They've been the objects of ridicule in fashion magazines posing the question: to scrunchie or not to scrunchie?That's right, it's the scrunchie: that infamous elastic, fabricated hair accessory. But who exactly was the mastermind behind this 1980s and early 90s craze?According to the U.S. Court of Appeals, a woman named Rommy Revson invented the 'scunci' or scrunchie, a "decorative ponytail holder for securely holding the hair of a user," and millions of dollars worth are sold each year. While no credible Web sites could be found while researching, according to Patent Storm (www.patentstorm.us), it was created to "add a decorative fabric covering to the rubber band to further enhance the look of the person's hair." That way, according to the Web site, women are not seen wearing a simple rubber band, but "some nice colored fabric adorning their hair." Originally, scrunchies were used for the sole purpose of holding hair up, according to www.hairboutique.com, but as time passed, people started using them as "pure decorative accessories."Junior Amanda Adams said she clearly remembers the scrunchie craze and admitted that as a kid she had a whole box full of them."It was the cool thing to match them with your outfits," Adams said, adding that many people wore them as bracelets."Put them on your wrist and walk around and see how cool you were with your scrunchies," she said in between laughs.Although the fad came and went, it is not forgotten.
Take the episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie Bradshaw fights with her boyfriend, Jack Berger, over a book he wrote about a character wearing a scrunchie. Bradshaw is appalled and argues that no sophisticated New York woman would be caught dead in one. Of course, he broke up with her a few episodes later on a Post-It note, leaving fans wondering if the scrunchie was to blame.
Well in regards to miss Carrie Bradshaw...If it was to blame for the breakup then thank god, you don't want to be with a man who this a scrunchie is acceptable and not only would a sophisticated New York woman not be caught dead in a scrunchie.... A woman, anywhere, should not be caught dead or alive in one...and they aren't calling it the little girls USA gymnastics team...they are calling it the women's USA gymnastics team...so put on your big girl panties and throw away the god forsaken srunchie!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
BELOW IS FROM A MAGAZINE INTERVIEW- You will understand why I want to be her BFF after reading this
How she resembles Johnny Carson: We have almost exactly the same head.
Religious background: I was raised half-Jewish/half-Mormon. I was the youngest of six. At 5 years old, I was asked to pick. My sister was, like, “Jew, Jew, pick Jew.” So I went with the dreidel.
Personal hero: Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Art collection: I like any art from New England, because my parents had a house in Martha’s Vineyard. I love the whole Cape Cod area. We have a great photo of the dunes on the vineyard. It reminds me of my childhood, before it was ruined by my parents.
Morning routine: I have my alarm set for 8:17 a.m. I take two or one Excedrin, depending on what kind of hangover I am dealing with. Take a shower. Then I either make myself breakfast or go across the street to Starbucks. I’m at work by 9:30 a.m.
Lucky number: I like the number seven. I will always set my alarm to whatever 10-minute interval involves the number seven.
Indispensable clothing item: My Lacoste shirt dresses. They are the most flattering, comfortable thing you will ever wear. I wear them on my show. I wear them in real life. I travel in them. My staff makes fun of me, because every day it is like a new color.
Nagging injury: Just my genetics. Also, I think something is growing on my neck that doesn’t look too good.
Her roommate: I live with my boyfriend, Ted Harbert, who is the C.E.O. of Comcast Entertainment Group, which includes the E! channel, where I work. We’ve been living together about six months.
Best thing about living with your boyfriend: He drives me to work.
Tabloid culture: My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.
Favorite possession: My margarita blender. It’s big. It’s lime green. You have to follow the directions exactly, otherwise it doesn’t taste like it is supposed to. We only have margaritas on weekends, so I know when I hear that sound it’s happy hour.
Possession that reminds her of herself: My lemon tree. It’s sweet and sour at the same time. It sits out on one of our balconies. It is my new favorite thing.
Top tab: For gossip, Us Weekly is the best, because it is the fine line between People and National Enquirer. People has real stories, and it is not as much fun. Us Weekly is not as unreliable as the National Enquirer.
Prize possession: My Spanx. It’s like a girdle, but they come in all shapes and sizes: you can have full body ones; ones that go a little over the tummy. They are the most amazing things created for women. They hide everything.
She can’t live without: My workout ball. It’s one of those balls that you use to do crunches while you are watching television. I keep it in the living room. My boyfriend says it makes him nauseated.
Favorite electronic gadget: My BlackBerry Curve. It’s new. It’s silver, and it’s my favorite friend ever. The e-mail prevents me from having conversations with people. Talking to people is just a waste of time.
Political cause: I collect children. I have two. One is in Ethiopia, and the other is in Zimbabwe. I call them both Earl. And I am about to adopt two more overseas. You just pay for their education. They don’t come and live with you.
Funniest English word: Badonkadonk. It means big backside. They made that word up after they saw Kim Kardashian’s sex tape.
Worst onstage moment: I had just started in stand-up. My brothers and father came. Everybody was screaming, “Take your top off!” My father was just staring at me. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.
Always in fridge: Myoplex protein shakes. Chocolate fudge is my flavor. Grey Goose vodka; lemons; orange-flavored Fresca; low-fat yogurt; turkey meatballs from Trader Joe’s. Those are my favorites. You pop them like mints.
Evening routine: It usually involves a cocktail. When it’s 5 o’clock and I’m leaving the office, I’m so happy. We usually have dinner around 8 o’clock. I think it is important for me to watch my show, to try to improve. So I have to stay up until 11:30 p.m.
Item she can’t part with: My mom’s suitcase. She brought it out here years ago. It’s dirty, smelly, the zipper is broken and the wheels don’t work. It is just this little red suitcase, and I have always kept it, because my mom passed away.
Favorite memento: They put a card on your dressing room door that says, “Tonight Show, Chelsea Handler.” I’ve been on eight times now, and I always keep those cards in a book under my bed. Being on that show is every comedian’s dream.
Yoga: I’m all about doing downward facing dog, but not in a yoga class.
Hobbies: “Dancing With the Stars.” I dance, alone, in my condo, without judges except my boyfriend. Since he’s judging I always win.
Fitness M.O.: My trainer and me arguing for an hour. He says I’m not dedicated. I say, “I am.” I ask why I still weigh 126 pounds. He says, “What did you eat today?” I say, “Eight turkey meatballs for breakfast.” He says, “You’ve got some real problems.”
Monday, August 11, 2008
I will start with this because the Olympics are going on right now. I have become obsessed with his quest for 8 gold medals in one olympics and 3 down as of today...hopefully tonight he will have a 4th (updated 8/12) GO MICHAEL PHELPS AND GO USA!!!
#2- Peep Toe Pumps (They are going to be the rave this fall)
I have recently bought two new pair of shoes and I am waiting their arrival via UPS
First pair- the "Dallas" Ostrich pump from Banana Republic
Second Pair- My blue Suede Peep toe mary janes
I am in love with this city. After visiting for work...I am slightly obsessed and wouldn't mind living there. They have their shit together up there with recycling bins everywhere. It's a great mix of old and new, and a very clean city.
#4 HOT YOGA
Thanks to my muffins Crystal and Jacob...I have found a new love...yoga...You sweat buckets and feel amazing after an hour and a half of sweating and movement!!!