Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Chelsea Lately anyone?!?!

Chelsea Handler...I freaking love her. I DVR everyone of her shows (Chelsea Lately - 10:30 PM EST, everynight - on E!-Don't miss it). Now I have read her book (Are you there Vodka, It's me Chelsea), and it is damn near the funniest thing I have ever read. Seriously, I laughed uncontrollably, and even snorted a few times, and I only snort if something is stomach achingly funny!

She is vulgar, disrespectful, blunt, and sarcastic, which all makes her the greatest female on TV. Seriously...you'll be addicted to her once you watch her show, and reading her book is a must.

Some people might think she's making fun of vertically challenged people, but if you read her book, you'll find out that she is just amazed by "small" people.

Two of my favorite Chelsea words: Peekachoo: what Dr. Bailey (grey's anatomy) calls a vajayjay and Nugget: Short person, baby, midget

BELOW IS FROM A MAGAZINE INTERVIEW- You will understand why I want to be her BFF after reading this

Hardest thing about being a female comic: Trying not to let my voice get too screechy and annoying.

How she resembles Johnny Carson: We have almost exactly the same head.

Religious background: I was raised half-Jewish/half-Mormon. I was the youngest of six. At 5 years old, I was asked to pick. My sister was, like, “Jew, Jew, pick Jew.” So I went with the dreidel.

Personal hero: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Art collection: I like any art from New England, because my parents had a house in Martha’s Vineyard. I love the whole Cape Cod area. We have a great photo of the dunes on the vineyard. It reminds me of my childhood, before it was ruined by my parents.

Fictional character she identifies with: Clay Aiken.

Morning routine: I have my alarm set for 8:17 a.m. I take two or one Excedrin, depending on what kind of hangover I am dealing with. Take a shower. Then I either make myself breakfast or go across the street to Starbucks. I’m at work by 9:30 a.m.

Lucky number: I like the number seven. I will always set my alarm to whatever 10-minute interval involves the number seven.

Indispensable clothing item: My Lacoste shirt dresses. They are the most flattering, comfortable thing you will ever wear. I wear them on my show. I wear them in real life. I travel in them. My staff makes fun of me, because every day it is like a new color.

Nagging injury: Just my genetics. Also, I think something is growing on my neck that doesn’t look too good.

Her roommate: I live with my boyfriend, Ted Harbert, who is the C.E.O. of Comcast Entertainment Group, which includes the E! channel, where I work. We’ve been living together about six months.

Best thing about living with your boyfriend: He drives me to work.

Tabloid culture: My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

Favorite possession: My margarita blender. It’s big. It’s lime green. You have to follow the directions exactly, otherwise it doesn’t taste like it is supposed to. We only have margaritas on weekends, so I know when I hear that sound it’s happy hour.

Possession that reminds her of herself: My lemon tree. It’s sweet and sour at the same time. It sits out on one of our balconies. It is my new favorite thing.

Top tab: For gossip, Us Weekly is the best, because it is the fine line between People and National Enquirer. People has real stories, and it is not as much fun. Us Weekly is not as unreliable as the National Enquirer.

Prize possession: My Spanx. It’s like a girdle, but they come in all shapes and sizes: you can have full body ones; ones that go a little over the tummy. They are the most amazing things created for women. They hide everything.

She can’t live without: My workout ball. It’s one of those balls that you use to do crunches while you are watching television. I keep it in the living room. My boyfriend says it makes him nauseated.

Favorite electronic gadget: My BlackBerry Curve. It’s new. It’s silver, and it’s my favorite friend ever. The e-mail prevents me from having conversations with people. Talking to people is just a waste of time.

Political cause: I collect children. I have two. One is in Ethiopia, and the other is in Zimbabwe. I call them both Earl. And I am about to adopt two more overseas. You just pay for their education. They don’t come and live with you.

Funniest English word: Badonkadonk. It means big backside. They made that word up after they saw Kim Kardashian’s sex tape.

Worst onstage moment: I had just started in stand-up. My brothers and father came. Everybody was screaming, “Take your top off!” My father was just staring at me. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.

Always in fridge: Myoplex protein shakes. Chocolate fudge is my flavor. Grey Goose vodka; lemons; orange-flavored Fresca; low-fat yogurt; turkey meatballs from Trader Joe’s. Those are my favorites. You pop them like mints.

Evening routine: It usually involves a cocktail. When it’s 5 o’clock and I’m leaving the office, I’m so happy. We usually have dinner around 8 o’clock. I think it is important for me to watch my show, to try to improve. So I have to stay up until 11:30 p.m.

Item she can’t part with: My mom’s suitcase. She brought it out here years ago. It’s dirty, smelly, the zipper is broken and the wheels don’t work. It is just this little red suitcase, and I have always kept it, because my mom passed away.

Favorite memento: They put a card on your dressing room door that says, “Tonight Show, Chelsea Handler.” I’ve been on eight times now, and I always keep those cards in a book under my bed. Being on that show is every comedian’s dream.

Yoga: I’m all about doing downward facing dog, but not in a yoga class.

Hobbies: “Dancing With the Stars.” I dance, alone, in my condo, without judges except my boyfriend. Since he’s judging I always win.

Fitness M.O.: My trainer and me arguing for an hour. He says I’m not dedicated. I say, “I am.” I ask why I still weigh 126 pounds. He says, “What did you eat today?” I say, “Eight turkey meatballs for breakfast.” He says, “You’ve got some real problems.”

No comments: