Thursday, December 3, 2009

Getting to Vegas- written somewhere over the Rockies

Let’s see…I could start with waking up, but that was the easy part. Getting ready and getting everything in the suit case and prepared for my Las Vegas flight leaving at 11:20 AM was easy. Smooth sailing! My jeep had been in the garage exactly a week, I decided that I would drive it to the airport instead of my Dad’s truck, it needed a rest. It was a good thing, it was raining and I could load the car in the garage and then to a switcheroo! Here is the steps for changing cars in the garage Step 1. Okay Car is loaded! I even have my dog in there, ready to be dropped off at my friends house. Step 2. Open garage and go move the truck to the road. Step 3. Move the jeep out of the garage and to the road (the jeep hesitated when starting..put no problems…it’s good to go) Step 4. Move the truck into the garage Step 5. Turn on alarm and close the garage door Step 6. Get into jeep and go Wait I am still sitting here!!! My car won’t start at all! Here is a little Jeep humor that I didn’t know about until today, and I swear my eyes were playing tricks on me..My odometer actually changed from numbers to the word DONE! I KID YOU NOT!!!!! Okay, don’t freak…it’s only 9 AM, flight’s not for another 2 hours and 20 minutes. So I calmly… Step 7. Open the garage door, get into the truck and drive to Advanced Auto Parts…cause guess what, I don’t own jumper cables Step 8. But jumper cables and head back Step 9. Jump start car Step 10. Move all baggage from jeep into truck Step 11. Move Jeep back into the garage (don’t want to be stuck at the airport parking lot with a dead battery) Step 12. Get into the truck and go So If I would have left the jeep in the garage to begin with, I wouldn’t have had all these issues!! I drop my dog off at Jon and Claudia’s and jump on the interstate heading to the airport. I have exactly 1 hour and 20 minutes until my plane leaves, and I have carry on , no problem, since it only takes 20 minutes to get to the airport. Plenty of time to get a Starbucks soy latte at the airport. Well, I happen to miss my exit. I didn’t realize that on the new bypass several exits, exit from ONE spot off the bypass…so as I continue going, I see my exit pass before my eyes. Well the next exit to turn around is 5 miles around. So I am trying to call several friends to see if they can check me in online. Well the Verizon and Blackberry combination that I am holding in my hand isn’t working properly (they are sending me a new one, which will arrive tomorrow, because the new one they just sent me last week…is a big ole POS) So while my best friend is calling me back, I try to answer it, but the screen keeps having an hour glass turn flips and thinks while I try to answer it. So I have a moment…I let out the loudest scream I do believe may have ever come out of my body…I am talking from my toenails, past my stomach, through my lungs and out my mouth….after that happens, a GD comes out of my mouth and decibels loud enough to shatter glass. Oh yeah, but despite my screen saying I haven’t answered my phone, my friend is on the other line!! Oh yeah, she heard my breakdown. Which then proceeded to get me laughing to the point of tears. At this point I am now at the airport…okay, less than 40 minutes until flight takes off. So I pull into the lane that I has BIG GREEN LETTERS SAYING ENTER, I go to grab the ticket that usually automatically dispenses, to find the words out of order!! Seriously you can’t put something in front of this lane to keep people from going in there and then having to wait from someone to let me back up and aim for a lane that does work. Okay, I have me ticket now and go to park. Seriously have breathing problems, stress related lack of oxygen. I keep looking at the time 3 times during every minute as I wait for the bus to take me to the terminal. Okay, bus arrives, get on the bus, and now phone must be shut off. So now I am going into the shit blind on time! I run, I mean haul booty, knock old ladies out of the way to get to the self check in kiosk. Whew!! It lets me print my boarding pass! Now security! Well the line is out the rear and moving slower than my bowels after eating a whole wheel of cheese! So I pull out my old Platinum status card…if they actually look it expired in 2007! Well it got me to the very front of security, but they shut off a line to 2 security lines, now there are 100 people trying to herd through one security line. Well the two people behind me duck under the ropes and go with the folks in line for the two lanes. So they did it, I am doing it to…desperate times call for bending (I would say breaking rules, but really just bending…I bent at the hip and swung my body under the ropes). Okay, free and clear…now it’s time to run. I really thought I was auditioning for the 3rd installment of Home Alone (is there a 3rd, well if not…I would totally play the party of running through the airport well…I mean I did this in heels). Of course I get behind every slow people, I bumped into a few and screamed sorry as I kept running… I really am sorry, please send me your address and I will send you an apology card! YES!!! They are still boarding! There are a group of older black women holding the line up, what part of get in your seat, and when your friend that is 10 people behind you gets there get back up and let her in….DON’T JUST STAND THERE AND EXPECT HER TO MAGICALLY MANEUVER PAST 10 PEOPLE AND THEIR BAGS SO YOU CAN SIT!! Finally to my seat. 32F (window- thank GOD). There is a french, non English speaking dude in my seat. He is suppose to be in the middle seat, no thank you, you are going to have to get up. Well, he moves over, and the Vietnamese woman sitting in the aisle seats stays where she is. Don’t you know that you are suppose to remove yourself from your seat and let the person in the window in. NO! I literally stick my girls and bag in her face, then the French, non English speaking guy in the middle seats face as well. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! That was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done. Who wants to get intimate with the people on the plane you don’t know. Well I am pretty sure they know my chest measurements now, because they got an up close view! Okay, well I am starving, because I didn’t have time to grab Starbucks soy latte that I so desperately need!!! I mean I am going on no caffeine this morning… NONE! And it’s over a 4 hour flight. Okay, on the plane, I will buy the ridiculously expensive on flight food. So, they finally get all the way back to 32F, and guess what…NO FOOD IS LEFT! I do manage to get a coke. I am like do you realize that we left at 11:20 AM Charlotte time and when we land it will be 5 PM Charlotte time. You are going to have a VERY VERY GRUMPY red head on your hands…just ask my boyfriend, when I don’t eat for a while, I get grumpy…why do you think he orders pizza on Football nights….entice me with food so I will shut up and let him watch football without me hassling him. Well I am now typing out all my anger on the flight right now, trying to pass the next two hours without thinking about the copious amounts of food I want to eat. But Guess what……… LAS VEGAS HAS SOME SERIOUS EATING BUFFETS! So after I feed my slowly disappearing body thanks to US Airways, I will drink this day away!!! So Dead Battery, Stupid Exit, Parking Lot, Security Lane, and folks that got up close and personal with my business….YOU WILL BE DEAD TO ME SHORTLY, of course I will have to thank Grey Goose, Crown, and anything else I can get my hands on for that!! Ooooo….the Rockies….okay. Peace Out. See ya in Vegas!!!

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