For The Record

Do you believe in signs? Miranda Lambert's new album For the Record was released on November 1, 2011. (11/1/11), the same day as what would have been Daddy's 58th birthday. One of her songs on the new album brings out a lot of emotions, just read the lyrics....

"OVER YOU"

(The story behind the song is that it's about Blake Shelton's brother who died in a car accident)

Weather man said it's gonna snow

By now I should be used to the cold

Mid-February shouldn't be so scary

It was only December

I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place

I think of you, and I'm not afraid

Your favorite records make me feel better

Cause you sing along

With every song

I know you didn't mean to give them to me

But you went away

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away,

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

FOR THE RECORD...It brings raw emotion out of me. The line "It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone" is a good explanation why I don't go to Daddy's grave very often. I can honestly count the time I've been on one hand. It's almost been three years. The times I've gone, I get there stare at the slab and think this is silly....It's just a slab with his name in it...It shouldn't have the second date on it. It shouldn't be here. It to difficult to deal with.

FOR THE RECORD...I've run from my emotions, I try to ignore them, I try to hide them. Not just from myself, from everyone. I seem like I am this together, sane, sarcastic person. I joke about what I've experienced losing my Dad, I joke because the truth and reality is that the pain is just to unbearable to let surface. It's inescapable. It's always deep inside just waiting for the right moment to surface.

FOR THE RECORD...My heart has a hole in it that will never go away, and I honestly feel that I will never be truly 100% happy ever again. I have a great husband, I have two fantastic dogs that I adore, I have amazing friends and family, but I know I am missing one person that I want to share the good moments in life with.

FOR THE RECORD...Maybe I'll always be a broken person. I'm not sure, I just take it one day at a time. Some days are shitty, some days are good, some days are indifferent. Most days I just try to ignore the fact that he's gone. I've lost the ability to care about others pain, I don't want to be like that, but it's hard not to. One day my heart will soften and I might be able to cry for someone else's pain, something other than my own, but as of now I have to focus on fixing my heart, my pain, and my emotional well being. HA...my emotional well being....I'm one train stop away from crazy town.

FOR THE RECORD...The picture at the top fit's the post perfectly. The song-snow in December. The past few weeks of pain-Daddy's truck is in the photo, I traded it in last week, which was so hard and painful to do.

Pinterest: Friday Humor

I'm pretty sure that's what Tank and Gus' reaction would be.

See they stopped in their tracks when I told them the news.....

"MAMA, SAY WHAT?!?!?"

It's okay to let your Friday go to the dogs!

Fitness Friday

My usual Friday is like this: I come to work with my workout bag and think I will work out after work like I do on other days, but then we get an announcement that we can leave early, and I am in my car heading South to the house and well there goes the workout.

Since I know this is my behavior, I decided to beat the system (my personal system above) by rolling out of bed, putting on my gym clothes and coming straight to work (we have a gym here). Since my work clothes were picked out the night before and bag was packed, I got out of the house and was in the gym at 7:30 and at 8:15 I was getting ready to make my commute to work...a less that one minute walk from one end of the building to my office. Literally my office and the gym are on the far ends of the building from each other!

Mission accomplished...I worked out today. I've decided that not only do I have to think about what I'm thankful for each day in November, I also have to do some sort of fitness...EVERYDAY!!

As for my thankfulness....I am thankful for the relationship I have with my sister and our mutual best best friend. They are two bestest friends a girl could have!!

What are you Thankful for....

First I must get Kelly Clarkson singing "Thankful" out of my head....

I'm challenging myself to be grateful and thankful for everything in my life. The challenge is to take a moment each day and reflect on one thing. I am a pessimistic person, for the most part, I have a lot of hate. After losing my Dad almost three years ago, it's like someone swooped in and pulled something out of me that was responsible for caring, happiness, and being grateful for

what I still have in my life. Most of the time my happiness is dragged down by what I am missing...my Dad. I wonder if I will ever be 100% happy ever again. Hopefully this challenge will give me a chance to reflect on the good things in my life...my husband (still getting use to that word) that is willing to put up with me, my two sweet, wonderfully snuggly, and adorable pups, my family, and I could go on an on. My challenge is to focus on what I have and not what I don't have (or once had, but now don't).

It's three days into the month and here's what I got:

30 is a creepin'

At a friends 29th birthday party last night, it got me to thinking...I don't have much time left for the Big 3-0! So I have to get back on track with my plan.

The plan I started this summer was simple...Enter my 30's the same size I entered my 20's. HAHAHA! It's almost laughable, but I don't believe unattainable.

You would have thought my wedding would have been motivation, nope. I was to busy to care. After I got my dress altered I just had to stay in it. I tried it on weekly to gauge if I needed to eat more or less. Yeah, I bet you never heard that before, a bride saying "eat more"! I focused more on defining that weight loss.

Now here comes the 30s! I don't have far to go, but it's still difficult to not eat a whole chocolate cake when I really want to. I been making head way. I would be OVER THE MOON if I got off 10lbs, but I really need to shed 5 lbs to be where I'd like to be. I'm not dieting, just watching what I eat and making good decisions. I also follow Eat This Not That on twitter. It's unbelievable helpful! Also this if very helpful and true:

What I'd really like to do is get back to my banging Jr year of college figure. HOW THE HECK DID I FIT INTO SIZE 2's!! Oh yeah, I was a college student and pretty much ate cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The really sucky part, my birthday is in February, so that means not much time post holidays, so I have to be on my best behavior during the holiday season.

The real hard part....I married a guy who could eat fast food morning, noon, and night and not put on a single ounce of fat! Oh and to boot....he DOESN'T work out. Most women are jealous of celebrities and their bodies, nope, I am jealous of my husband's metabolism.

Here is my motto moving forward. I really am trying to lead a healthier, more active lifestyle.

Pinterest

Have you discovered Pinterest?!?

If not here is where you go to get a new addiction. And when I say addiction, I am not using it loosely. I mean ADDICTION!

Here's my logic. When smokers need a smoke they get a smoke break. Well I don't smoke, but sometimes I need a mental break...just 5-10 minutes (the equivalent of one cigarette...right?)

At least my addiction isn't bad for my health. Might be bad for my wallet. I found this pin with sequin skirt from Zara the other day on here, and went ahead and ordered it without hesitation. Honestly...I had just seen it on a blog I read (What I wore) about daytime sequins. So I jumped at it. Wonder what my co-workers will think if I wear this skirt to work?!?

I also pick up lots of cute animal pictures...for example....a bulldog trying to swim....

Well Pinterest just now became a hazard to my dogs...I so want to see if Tank makes this face in the water....

Happy Pinning!

P.S. Let me know when you stop laughing at the bulldog photo! The first time I ever saw it I laughed until I cried, then I looked at it again after crying and literally slapped my knee laughing. Then someone came into my office thinking I fell off my rocker....

How to get something you want

Back on January 5, 2010 I wrote about things I wanted. Since I saved for one of them and just purchased it, I decided to check in on the list to see how I've come along...I'll check the list....

My #1 2010 want:1. A JOB (and with this I might be able to get some of the things below, and in

no particular order) CHECK

My Retail wants for 2010 (some of these are a reoccurring thing…will most likely be on 2011 as well)
1. Louis Vuitton purse CHECK-this is the reason for checking the list...so DOUBLE CHECK :)
2. Kuerig coffee maker (told myself when I get a new job it will get one as a gift to me…I will be getting up early again and need a coffee maker that requires little effort) CHECK-wedding gift
3. Kitchen Aid Mixer (most likely won’t get this until I get married…so who knows…will 2010 be the year?) I really want a mixer…see a prior post (A Mixer Proposal) CHECK-wedding gift
4. A new bed for my king size mattress and box springs (head board and foot board….foot board the most important…I don’t like for my comforter to slip off) - CHECK5. Really expensive pair of shoes - NOPE (I guess I need to set the terms on really expensive)
6. A new dryer…my current one puts black marks on my clothes…it’s also the same dryer that use to dry my clothes when I was still in kid sizes. CHECK...I had to it stopped drying...it was 25 years old!
7. A pair of Uggs… I have the knock offs and starting to want the real thing…I think my best friend made me want them when she got them for Christmas. CHECK

All in all, I think I've done pretty good on my lists. I think my #1 want for 2010 had something to do with accomplishing the others.

Some people may say buying a Louis Vuitton is frivolous. Well to some it may be, but here is my rationale. Some people spend more on electronics in a year that will be out of date the next year, something newer has come along. In 10 years those electronics will be dinosaurs and will have lost their value. While a LV on the other hand doesn't lose value (actually goes up after you leave the store...don't believe me, go to a consignment store and try to buy one from 1980). They don't change their classic styles and if I have a daughter this can be passed down from generation to generation.

I didn't get go out and put it on my credit card and try to pay it off over time. I saved for it. I started an esavings account. It doesn't get a great interest return, but it wasn't about growing the money, it was about putting it aside and not touching it until I had built up enough to purchase my Louis. Plus you can start it out with only a $1 if you want, because again it's about putting whatever you can aside until you have it. I did it. It's pretty rewarding to know that I put it aside and finally purchased a splurge that I've wanted for about 10 years now.

Here is my new pride and joy...

Some things are worth waiting for and some things are worth saving for. If you want something SAVE FOR IT!!