For The Record

Do you believe in signs? Miranda Lambert's new album For the Record was released on November 1, 2011. (11/1/11), the same day as what would have been Daddy's 58th birthday. One of her songs on the new album brings out a lot of emotions, just read the lyrics....

"OVER YOU"

(The story behind the song is that it's about Blake Shelton's brother who died in a car accident)

Weather man said it's gonna snow

By now I should be used to the cold

Mid-February shouldn't be so scary

It was only December

I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place

I think of you, and I'm not afraid

Your favorite records make me feel better

Cause you sing along

With every song

I know you didn't mean to give them to me

But you went away

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away,

How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be OK

But I'm not going to ever get over you

FOR THE RECORD...It brings raw emotion out of me. The line "It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone" is a good explanation why I don't go to Daddy's grave very often. I can honestly count the time I've been on one hand. It's almost been three years. The times I've gone, I get there stare at the slab and think this is silly....It's just a slab with his name in it...It shouldn't have the second date on it. It shouldn't be here. It to difficult to deal with.

FOR THE RECORD...I've run from my emotions, I try to ignore them, I try to hide them. Not just from myself, from everyone. I seem like I am this together, sane, sarcastic person. I joke about what I've experienced losing my Dad, I joke because the truth and reality is that the pain is just to unbearable to let surface. It's inescapable. It's always deep inside just waiting for the right moment to surface.

FOR THE RECORD...My heart has a hole in it that will never go away, and I honestly feel that I will never be truly 100% happy ever again. I have a great husband, I have two fantastic dogs that I adore, I have amazing friends and family, but I know I am missing one person that I want to share the good moments in life with.

FOR THE RECORD...Maybe I'll always be a broken person. I'm not sure, I just take it one day at a time. Some days are shitty, some days are good, some days are indifferent. Most days I just try to ignore the fact that he's gone. I've lost the ability to care about others pain, I don't want to be like that, but it's hard not to. One day my heart will soften and I might be able to cry for someone else's pain, something other than my own, but as of now I have to focus on fixing my heart, my pain, and my emotional well being. HA...my emotional well being....I'm one train stop away from crazy town.

FOR THE RECORD...The picture at the top fit's the post perfectly. The song-snow in December. The past few weeks of pain-Daddy's truck is in the photo, I traded it in last week, which was so hard and painful to do.