Shake it

So there was an Earthquake centered in VA and it was felt here in NC. It was more confusing than anything. I work in a race shop. My office is near the truck bay, so if they fire the truck up then my office kind of vibrates, but this time there was no sound. Afterwards all I wanted to do was sing one of my childhood favorite songs....

Then after that I started thinking about one of my favorite childhood movies.... Yes, my sister and I wore out the VHS. We had recorded it from TV onto a VHS, you know how you simultaneously have the TV on to the channel you want to record (at the time we only got NBC, CBS, and FOX as we didn't have a dish yet) and hit record on the VCR and not touch a damn thing unless the movie was longer than the VHS tape...oh the good 'ole days! You know if you watch something enough times on one of those it gets the squiggly lines on it. Yep we wore it out!

Who would have thought that a little 5.9 earthquake couple hundred miles away would let make me take a trip down memory lane...say about 1991.

I'll leave you with one last earthquake themed song that comes to mind, which takes me back to college and 2003. If you are wondering how this translates to earthquake skip to mark (3:54) for that part.... because God apparently said "Shake it like a Polaroid picture" at 1:53 PM yesterday!

Surprise! It's a....

That was the title of the email I sent my sister and BFF last night. I will show you the accompanying photo farther down. But first I must explain some things.

I have the digestive system equivalent to a crabby kid that doesn't want to do something it doesn't want to do. This problem has resulted in me being an old lady and drinking Metamucil. One of my friends was saying she can't drink it because of how bad the bloat is. I haven't seen this problem yet. I usually sip it, and if the powder to water ratio isn't perfect, it gets kind of gelatin like. FYI- GROSS! So last night I decided to chug it. Get it down and over with. After 15 minutes afterwards I was feeling like a balloon. I also believe I could have been used as a flotation device. So I decided to go in the bathroom and look in the mirror. I have NEVER seen such a sight on me! I was instantly 4 months pregnant with a gas baby. Photographic evidence was needed. I really don't like bare pregnant belly photos. It kind of disturbs me. So this will be the only bare belly picture you will ever see of me. (Note: It's just gassy bloat!) I blacked out my undies and top...no one needs to see all that.

It was the weirdest thing that has ever happened. Every time I burped it would go down a month of gas baby pregnancy.

Good news, this morning I am happy to report that my gas baby is no more. I am back to normal. It was kind of fun to get a glimpse into my (distant) future (but I have a feeling my future pregnant self's ass would grow too, not just the belly).

Oh well....I got lots of time before that happens!

WARNING: Chugging Metamucil will make you look as if you sucked on an air hose and feel like it to. Slowly sip!!!

Capable Cruiser

I am probably being a tad bit witchy (but with a B), but I am really kind of annoyed, so I blog when I get annoyed. So here it is:

Every year for our birthdays (My sister and Bestie 1/28 and me 2/1) celebrate our birthday by taking a trip together. This guarantees that for a long weekend every year, the three of us are together. We do this instead of exchanging birthday and Christmas gifts...best. idea. EVER! For my sister's 30th ('10) we did it up Vegas style (the previous year ('09) my Dad had is fatal accident while we were on this trip, so we needed to go big to get our mind off of that fact). This year (my bestie's 30th bday) we went to Atlanta because my bestie was prego with twins and couldn't travel. So for my 30th we are going big again (technically my bestie will still be 30, so it will be for our combined 30th). It's no secret I love to play craps...so why not mix gambling with the ocean, sun, and the Bahamas. So we decided to go on a cruise. I was doing some shopping around. Carnival had the dates, the location, and the length we were looking for. I started the online process for booking, because I wasn't 100% sure what info I would need from everyone. I didn't complete the booking when I first started because I need everyone's confirmation on dates. Before I finished booking online I got this email and a call from the guy below (the rest of the story will be after you read it)

Hello KELLY, It was a pleasure speaking with you about your upcoming Carnival Cruise vacation. As your Personal Vacation Planner, it will be my pleasure to guide you through the variety of on board activities, shore excursions and ports of call you have to look forward to on your cruise. I will also request your preferred dining time and ultimately reserve your cruise. I have made note of our recent conversation regarding your cruise interests and will have the information readily available when we speak. Should you have any questions regarding your cruise prior to our scheduled appointment, I am available to you at (800) 819-3902 x85912. I check my messages regularly, 7 days a week, so please leave me a message and I will return your call promptly. Thank You and I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Eddy Mestre Carnival Cruise Lines Personal Vacation Planner (800) 819-3902 x85912 emestre@carnivalpvp.com Follow us on Twitter @PVP_Insider

He asked me on the phone, after I told him that I needed everyone to confirm correct dates, "Do you want me to complete booking?" Dude! did you not just hear what I said. Ya ya ya....I said, sir, I am working, I don't have time to chat. Click....

After everyone confirmed dates, I booked online (last week).

This afternoon I got a call from Mr. Mr. above asking if I would like to complete my booking. I said, "I booked last week." He asked you didn't call me, did you lose my information. I wanted to say what was ticking across my brain, which would have been. You think the reason I didn't call you was only because I didn't have you #? I still have the #, and now so does the rest of the bloggishere. He seemed appalled that I booked my cruise through Carnival.com instead of him. I told him, "It's quicker and I like seeing what I am selecting, not someone telling me!" Click....

My message to carnival- if someone is booking online, don't you think it's because they'd rather do it themselves instead of talk to someone they can barely understand...just a thought. I am capable of finishing my cruise booking online. I am online literate.

305-599-2600 is the Number that showed up on caller ID....feel free to harass them...bc I feel like I got harassed...

You have my email address...EMAIL ME...DO NOT CALL !!!

Doggie Minication

Me and Gus-Waterfront Park- Beaufort, SC

Two weekends ago, I decided that I needed to take my dog to the beach for the weekend. I also wanted to squeeze in a visit with a college friend as well. So I chose a place close to her and close to the dog friend beach of Hunting Island State Park, SC.

Hunting Island State Park Beach

One thing I love is old towns. Old towns that are also old Southern sea towns, make them even better! We went to Beaufort, SC. It's quaint little town!

Gus loved the beach and the water front park. Mama (me) loved the water front coffee shop, ice cream parlor, and bar and grill that I had dinner.

Waterfront Park

What I didn't (and don't) Love is the amount of sand we brought back to North Carolina. I'm pretty sure that you could compete in a sand castle building competition in my jeep. The joys of taking a dog to a public beach....

Here are some photos to document our fun little minication!

Gus checking out the water below- DON'T JUMP!

Gus enjoying the waves

We come all this way and he chews on sticks....

PMS

For a few days out of each month I find myself wanting to b!%(&# slap Eve for eating the frickin' apple. Women know what I am talking about. The problem is men don't understand it, get it and actually think it's something we can fix, stop, or change about ourselves.

The physical sides of PMS (the bloating and the breakouts) could be more tolerable if it weren't for the emotional. If I weren't emotional, I would cry or get angry about the little zit.

Something such a trying to leave the house to go to work shouldn't be an emotional roller coaster, but during those few days every month, it is. I will use a personal example to explain. As I was trying to gather my things (purse, work bag, lunch, coffee, and water bottle) and turn the alarm on and get out of the house in a timely manner, I somehow managed to spill my coffee. It really just splashed, but not just a tinkle of a splash, but a tsunami wave splash...on my clothes, on my purse, on the door, on the floor. Here comes the PMS part...First I yelled the f word so loudly people in the next neighborhood mostly likely hear it, second I wanted to throw the cup and punch a hole in the wall, then I wanted to sit down and cry because I would have to stop the alarm, clean up, try again, and be even more late for work.

Here is the thing guys, WE DON'T LIKE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! We would prefer to have to go to a theme park and get on an ACTUAL roller coaster vs. going through a roller coaster of emotions in less time than it takes an actual roller coaster to go from 0-60 mph.

These emotions are not manageable, they are erratic, sporadic, and are stirred by not a stick, but a sliver of a toothpick.

While wedding planning I had to start a new rule...NO WEDDING PLANNING WHILE PMS'ING. This rule was set for not just the safety of my own being, but the safety of others. One of the famous lines in an email to my sister and bff (for the reason that the rule was put in place) was because of issues with the save the dates, I tried to solve these issues during a time of PMS distress. I told them "All I want to do is eat a WHOLE chocolate cake and drive my car into a light pole." Women of the world unfortunately know what I am talking about.

We don't chose to have roller coasters of emotions, God made us this way. So before men get frustrated at women, they should honestly say a prayer to God. We didn't choose this life, Eve bit the apple and chose it for us...WHAT A BIOTCH!!!

To be honest: the example happened this morning, thus meaning I a PMS'ing and I really wanted to punch a hole in my computer because Blogger was being a PMS'ing B while trying to compose this blog.

Birthday times TWO

While on my honeymoon, I happened to look at my passport and notice that my birthday is wrong (a day off). Eh, just assumed that someone made a mistake when typing it in at the passport office. I mean (I did get a ticket for 690 mph-see photo below for proof) typos seem to follow me.

So chalking it up to a typo, I wasn't prepared to "kind of" shout out, OH MY GOSH, in the Social Security office today. While I didn't need my birth certificate, I brought it with me. I honestly brought any document I could possibly need short of my bank statements. So while the Social Security office worker was typing away and myself just patiently waiting, I starting looking at my birth certificate. You know the fun facts, like who old my parents were when they had me (Mama-24, Daddy-28...WOW), then I just glanced over my "date" of birth. It said February 2!!! Holy crappola....I wasn't a ground hog baby!! The guy started giggling at my melt down over feeling lied to for 29 years! Was I really born on the 2nd and not the 1st? Was it only an honest human error? Will we ever know?!?

The guy assured me this wouldn't hinder my name changing process, because honestly I was pretty worried it would and I would have to come back and wait through old lady hissy fits (thought she would throw something at someone before she left). Good, I don't have to come back to the Social Security office B.F.E.

I called my mother concerned, and she told me that when they went to get my SS number after I was born, my aunt who went with her noticed that my birth date was wrong. Okay, good, there is at least a story about them knowing this is wrong. It was supposedly fixed (way back then). Apparently it never was. The copy I have I got in April of 2000 so I could go on my Senior cruise (didn't need a passport to go to Mexico then). So it shows me that it was never changed. On file with the SS office is the birthday I have been celebrating for the past 29 years.

So as of now, I am going with the fact that I can now legally celebrate my birthday on two days. More cake for me!!

P.S. My sister's smart ass comment was- Do you turn 30 twice now? (The next birthday will be the big 3-0!)

Made from Scratch Cake in 5 Minutes-NOT A MYTH!

Only thing now standing in between me and made from scratch chocolate cake is five minutes. Yes, I repeat, FIVE minutes!! Crazy, right?! Here's the kicker...it's made in a coffee mug, in the microwave!

Here's the secret recipe.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg beaten

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

A small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.

Add the egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..

Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

Reason most people don't make a chocolate cake on every whim they get is because of several things. One, they don't have all the ingredients that the recipe calls for. The scary part for this recipe is on a daily basis ALL the ingredients for this recipe are in my house. Two, when you start to crave chocolate cake, you kind of want it right then, not an hour from now, and most times you don't even want to spend 15-20 minutes prepping batter, pans, etc to put in in the oven. The problem with this recipe is, you can mix it together in the mug (I recommend a bowl, then pouring it into the mug) and then pop it in the microwave, start to finish....under five minutes.

(This was mine last night, I kept it light with only half the portion and topped with whipped cream and fresh berries)

As I mentioned to my friends that received this recipe yesterday. It's verrrry verrryyy: good for my sweet tooth, bad for my A$$.

(Besides myself, several of my friends tried making it last night. It gets a A+ for simplicity, a C for consistency. It's a little spongy. Next time I will try lower power on the microwave for a bit longer.)