Facebook Etiquette

If some people don't know, facebook has been around for awhile. I think it started in 2004. I found out about it shortly after college graduation. My roommate, Amanda, told me about it. At the time it was ONLY for college students, you had to have a accredited college email address. About a year and half later, sometime in 2006, they opened it up for the public. At that time, facebook was still very simple and just your basics, not the crazy crap all over people's pages these days. There wasn't Mob war requests, people weren't sending their friends drinks, flair, or other stupid shit.

I have noticed people get carried away: with their status, with the pictures they post, with sending people all kinds of application requests. I think people have lost their sense of control and need to be told what complete idiots they are making of themselves. So I am writing Kelly's Facebook Etiquette for those that lack common sense. I will start from the beginning and get you to where people lose their minds.

1.You've joined facebook

Congrats, you have now joined a social media site that will connect you with every person you have ever met in your life, and those that you may otherwise wish you would never hear from or see again. Now you must enter your information, so be careful about you write...there are some crazy people out there. There isn't any need to put your full address...I mean you might as well invite the crazies over for coffee if that's the case.

2.Facebook Status

So you just found out about updating your status. Let's chat a minute about this. So you see this little feature and automatically think people will care about what you are doing each day. Please rethink that thought, because no one gives a DAMN that you are heading to the gym, going out to dinner, watching TV, missing your hubby (the word hubby is a whole other topic I will address), cooking dinner, going to work, shopping, etc. etc. Might as well throw in your bowel movements because you haven't left much else out of what you are doing. I hate to break it to you, you are not that important. So why don't you try this, be a little more "general" and a little less "specific" when it comes to your status. Here is a good status..."NAME HERE is glad that the weekend is upon us" Here is a BAD status..."NAME HERE is tired from working all week, and is about to shower, then dinner, then drinks, then doing yard work and house chores on Saturday, and I can't wait to snuggle with my hubby." That is a VERY BAD Status, and I see them all to frequently on facebook.

3. About me section

Please don't feel the need to include every hobby that you've had in the past 20 years. Ever heard of the KISS saying "Keep It Simple Stupid"!! There you go, we don't need to hear about college, how you met your husband, your plans for 10 kids, and on and on, see I am boring myself with right all that just like people get bored with reading peoples long about me sections. 

4. PHOTOS

Some people need a good talking to!! If you are a professional, then you should think long and hard about what pictures people see of you. No one needs to see you looking hosed, double fisting, with your midrift showing, and kissing one of your friends. It's fabulous that you had a great weekend, but some things should be kept to your self. Don't publicize that you are freak out side of the office. No one needs to know that you took some stranger home last night. 

5. Wall to Wall

If you are married/dating/etc. you should not be carrying on a conversation with this person over facebook on your "wall". No one needs to know this person's pet name, what they made you for dinner last night, or that you love them. It should be a given that you love this person, you don't need to tell them daily on their wall of facebook. I believe that some people do this so that people will know they have someone in their lives. So if you miss your significant other...send them a text, an email, or call them...don't post it for everyone to see. I for sure as hell don't like seeing that in my news feed. 

6. Relationship Status

If you are in a relationship that is off again on again, please refrain from using this feature. It really is embarrassing (for you) that you feel the need to publicly let everyone know that this week you are single, and then next week are in a relationship again. If you are doing it so the other person will see that and be jealous that other people may want to date you since your facebook relationship status is single, then guess again, no one cares, all that it does is get people to talk behind your back and how ridiculous you are. 

7. # of Status changes in a day

Please, if you feel the need to update your status....limit yourself to once a day. If your boss sees that, they will think you obviously have nothing to do and fire your sorry rear! There are people out there that don't have jobs right now that don't play on facebook 8 hrs a day, so you can be replaced. 

As of now...that's all I got....if someone annoys me in any way other than listed above, don't worry I will add it! 

Why I act like I am 5 when I see snow

I grew up in the South, and I don't mean South Carolina/North Carolina South...I'm talking SOUTH! For all that may not know, I grew up in Georgia, and again, not North Georgia, where there are mountains and snow...but South Georgia, as in 75 miles from Florida. The most winter we got, was when we knew that the temperature would drop below 32 degrees, my parents would put out sprinklers and run them all night, and then we would have icicles hanging from the trees and frozen ground: a South Georgia, homemade winter wonderland. As you can see from the picture below, the ice stopped as far as the sprinkler would reach, notice untouched pine trees in the back. Well this is the only winter I grew up knowing.

So now, being a big girl and living 6 hours north of where I grew up, I get the occasional snow, maybe and inch or two at the most, but you would think from my reaction, I was getting a Nor'easter Blizzard! This Sunday night, I got my first real snow storm...I snowed for about 4 hours straight. I just walked outside and came back in COVERED in snow. I was jumping around like an ADD kid hyped up on a 10 lb box of chocolate and 30 gallons of coca cola. It really was the first time I had experienced lots of real snow. I am 27, how does that happen? I have never really been skiing. I mean I did try it once when I visited family out in Oregon, but that was Cross Country skiing, and to be honest I spent more time on my ass than my skis. To be able to walk out of my house and throw a snow ball was more than I could ask for.

Most everyone starts complaining about the cold, but I love it, okay, except for the fact that my windshield cracked the entire length of it! I think my car was made in the south! Some people have favorite seasons, I don't really have a favorite, I really do love something about every one of them. I wish everyone would find something to enjoy about each and everyone of them, and then no one would ever complain about the weather. Maybe people would have to find other conversation starters that "How's the weather?" I think people ask this question, because it's easy to start complaining to someone about how the weather is, most people don't start with, "Oh my goodness, the snow is wonderful, and I love the 20 degree weather." They start with complaints. So please everyone, find something positive about every season, and be thankful that you are around to experience it!

I want to finish with a final thought: Don't eat yellow snow!

Hey ABC...The Bachelor has to go!

Seriously, it's enough!! It's always the same old story, "stay tuned for the most dramatic rose ceremony ever."

I am not going to lie, I watch the show. I think it's stupid, but I watch it anyway. I don't know why, and I really can't turn it off. After watching it last night, I do believe that ABC has run the life course of the show and needs to call it a day.

It's all just acting. If you watched when J asked Melissa to marry him, she said hold on, and turns around and does this stupid scream and dance thing. Seriously act like an adult! I mean how can you be so in love and want to marry someone that you've dated (okay, dated along with several other girls) for only a month or little more.

Seriously Jason...get an f'ing grip, there is no need to hurl yourself into the balcony in tears, and seriously stop milking your kid for all he's worth. Why don't you focus on your kid if you love him so much, and stop running off for several weeks, to find him a "stepmom". And Seriously Jason's mom, talking about Molly and Melissa, "Molly is a career oriented person, you want some that is family oriented, Jason." Okay Ms. Jason's Mom, since when did you become the keeper of who is oriented to do what. So someone that has a career can't love their family...welcome to 2009 woman, someone's got to work, since Jason just wants to be on TV!!

This is crazy stupid, and people....STOP SENDING IN APPLICATIONS TO BE THE NEXT BACHELOR OR BACHELORETTE! It won't work for you, don't think that you will be the exception and think you will find true love on TV, all you will really do is find yourself making an ass out of yourself on National televsion.

My thoughts on the people on the bachelor...you don't care who it is, you just want to get married...When did getting married become the be all end all? GET A LIFE. Okay, so do I apparently, because I feel the need to watch this crap, when will the quality TV shows like Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill start airing new episodes...they need to hurry back!

And the 2009 Academy Award goes to....

I know, I know, I had a lot of favorites and disasters for the Golden Globes, but for the Oscars, I am going to narrow it down to my votes for Best and Worst dressed. It was easy, because when it came to thinking about these categories, I only have two people that popped in my mind.

And the Oscar goes to...

Anne Hathaway for BEST DRESSED

Wearing a silver beaded Armani Prive gown.

Beyonce Knowles for WORST DRESSED

Wearing, rumored to be House of Deron, her clothing line with her mother Tina Knowles. Obviously they haven't admitted it, because it's just hideous!

Okay, I know I said I was only featuring just the best and worst, but I had to throw this in for fun. This is the Winner of the ALMOST NEEDED SENSORS FOR THE ACADEMY AWARDS SHOW.

GOLDIE HAWN

This dress is hanging on my prayer alone. She is millimeters away from a nip slip. If Kurt so much as steps on the bottom of the dress, its a boobs out situation!!

Stick Figure Families

As I was driving to work this morning I got behind a Volvo station wagon, that came equiped with a stick figure family. Not to mention a stick figure family that has been to Disney World (see below- they have Mickey ears)

Why do people feel the need to let everyone on the road how many kids they have? It really isn't necessary. It's about like your facebook status...NO ONE CARES. No one cares how many children you pop out, or how many dogs you have. Call me sinister, I don't care...I am a realist, and guess what I am sure I am not the only person out there that finds this trend annoying and stupid.

Should single people ride around with just their stick figures, and hope to pass a car with another single stick figure, then when they pass each other will realize they are meant for each other (obviously because they are both losers), and combine stick figures on cars, then produce kid stick figures!! No one needs to know how fertile you are, by the number of stick figures on your car.

I raise one question: What kind of car has the biggest back window, so that Octo-mom can put stick figures of fourteen kids, one woman, and I guess her parents too (since they take care of all of them)?

Don't get me wrong...I want kids one day, but you can bet your ass I ain't putting stick figures on my back window! I don't want to alert pedofiles to "follow that car" because it obviously transports children.

Here is my theory of the people that put stick figure families on their cars: It's most likely one of those people that have always been desperate to get married and start a family, and once they have achieved that goal (which most likely is the only goal they've ever had in life), they feel the need to let others know.

I think crack whores should put them on, but instead of their names underneath, who the father of each kid is and how much they are getting from the government for each kid.

The picture below I find hilarious....Everyone has smiles on their face but Mom (to me she looks medicated...Prozac, maybe)...see obviously it was the guys decision to have children!!!

Well if you were thinking of putting a stick figure family on your back window...I hope I have changed your mind so you don't become apart of the people in this world that are simply...RIDICULOUS!

What not to do....when someone has lost a parent.

I write this in fun and hope that people don't get offended. I also truly mean to be informative, because before recently, I wouldn't have known that saying/doing these things are bad, I mean some are just common sense, but for those people lacking that, I will inform them.

1. I want to start with the old saying..."If you don't know what to say, say nothing at all." I will say that this is very very good, and everyone should abide by it, especially in the situation of death.

2. Do not, I repeat do not...raise the question, "What happened?" " Where did it happen?" and other similar questions the day of the funeral, or at the families home before they all go to the funeral. You are probably questioning why I am saying this, and wondering do I speak from experience. You are very right, I do speak from experience, because someone asked my uncle these questions right before we left to go to my father's funeral. There is a time and a place for everything, and common sense should have told this person now is not the time. You have no idea what it took for me to remain calm and a lady and not let this person (albeit related) have a piece of my mind. They also say you can't choose your extended family!!

3. Don't say I just went through it, if your situation is completely different. You can sympathize, but please don't say that you "went through the exact situation", when your situation is this...You are 45 and your father was present at your wedding, and got to know your children, his grandchildren. I am 27, my father will not walk me down the aisle at my wedding, nor will my children get to be spoiled by their grandfather. So yes, it strikes a bitter cord. Again, you can sympathize with someone who has lost a parent, but please don't say you know exactly how that person feels without reviewing all the facts. Again, I am speaking from unfortunate recent experience.

4. Don't say, "I know how you feel, I just lost my grandparent." I love my grandparents, but it is so different to bury a parent, the person that helped bring you into this world. Just simply say, "I'm sorry"and leave it at that. Don't try to relate, because you can't, nor do you want to. This was discussed amongst other people in the "lost a parent" club and was decidedly the worst!

5. I will end with what I started with, because I feel this is the most important thing, "If you don't know what to say, say nothing at all."

I don't mean to bring offense to anyone, but if offense has been delivered, then most likely you fall in the categories that I mentioned, and should learn from it and not repeat the mistake again. This is supposed to be informative, so call your self - informed about these little life lessons!


I hope this brings humor to those that have lost a parent, because I discussed most of these situations with friends that have also lost parents a lot sooner than we should have, and we have laughed about the lack of common sense in a lot of people.

Laughter has been my biggest comfort through this, and if laughing at stupid people makes my days brighter, I am happy that the world if filled with some dumb ass people!!

Sirius and XM Talk Radio Shows

I am just saying....I would kick ass at my own radio talk show....As I have been scrolling through the stations to see what's out there...well there is a radio talk show for everything. I will say some are stupid, some are informative, some are funny....so I thought it can't be that hard!

So if anyone knows how to help me get my own talk radio show for those people that need a sarcastic dose of reality, let me know.

I tell stupid stories, I am sarcastic, I am a well rounded person (meaning I love fashion and I love hunting.) I think I can appeal to a wide range audience.

Call Me!