PMS

For a few days out of each month I find myself wanting to b!%(&# slap Eve for eating the frickin' apple. Women know what I am talking about. The problem is men don't understand it, get it and actually think it's something we can fix, stop, or change about ourselves.

The physical sides of PMS (the bloating and the breakouts) could be more tolerable if it weren't for the emotional. If I weren't emotional, I would cry or get angry about the little zit.

Something such a trying to leave the house to go to work shouldn't be an emotional roller coaster, but during those few days every month, it is. I will use a personal example to explain. As I was trying to gather my things (purse, work bag, lunch, coffee, and water bottle) and turn the alarm on and get out of the house in a timely manner, I somehow managed to spill my coffee. It really just splashed, but not just a tinkle of a splash, but a tsunami wave splash...on my clothes, on my purse, on the door, on the floor. Here comes the PMS part...First I yelled the f word so loudly people in the next neighborhood mostly likely hear it, second I wanted to throw the cup and punch a hole in the wall, then I wanted to sit down and cry because I would have to stop the alarm, clean up, try again, and be even more late for work.

Here is the thing guys, WE DON'T LIKE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! We would prefer to have to go to a theme park and get on an ACTUAL roller coaster vs. going through a roller coaster of emotions in less time than it takes an actual roller coaster to go from 0-60 mph.

These emotions are not manageable, they are erratic, sporadic, and are stirred by not a stick, but a sliver of a toothpick.

While wedding planning I had to start a new rule...NO WEDDING PLANNING WHILE PMS'ING. This rule was set for not just the safety of my own being, but the safety of others. One of the famous lines in an email to my sister and bff (for the reason that the rule was put in place) was because of issues with the save the dates, I tried to solve these issues during a time of PMS distress. I told them "All I want to do is eat a WHOLE chocolate cake and drive my car into a light pole." Women of the world unfortunately know what I am talking about.

We don't chose to have roller coasters of emotions, God made us this way. So before men get frustrated at women, they should honestly say a prayer to God. We didn't choose this life, Eve bit the apple and chose it for us...WHAT A BIOTCH!!!

To be honest: the example happened this morning, thus meaning I a PMS'ing and I really wanted to punch a hole in my computer because Blogger was being a PMS'ing B while trying to compose this blog.

Birthday times TWO

While on my honeymoon, I happened to look at my passport and notice that my birthday is wrong (a day off). Eh, just assumed that someone made a mistake when typing it in at the passport office. I mean (I did get a ticket for 690 mph-see photo below for proof) typos seem to follow me.

So chalking it up to a typo, I wasn't prepared to "kind of" shout out, OH MY GOSH, in the Social Security office today. While I didn't need my birth certificate, I brought it with me. I honestly brought any document I could possibly need short of my bank statements. So while the Social Security office worker was typing away and myself just patiently waiting, I starting looking at my birth certificate. You know the fun facts, like who old my parents were when they had me (Mama-24, Daddy-28...WOW), then I just glanced over my "date" of birth. It said February 2!!! Holy crappola....I wasn't a ground hog baby!! The guy started giggling at my melt down over feeling lied to for 29 years! Was I really born on the 2nd and not the 1st? Was it only an honest human error? Will we ever know?!?

The guy assured me this wouldn't hinder my name changing process, because honestly I was pretty worried it would and I would have to come back and wait through old lady hissy fits (thought she would throw something at someone before she left). Good, I don't have to come back to the Social Security office B.F.E.

I called my mother concerned, and she told me that when they went to get my SS number after I was born, my aunt who went with her noticed that my birth date was wrong. Okay, good, there is at least a story about them knowing this is wrong. It was supposedly fixed (way back then). Apparently it never was. The copy I have I got in April of 2000 so I could go on my Senior cruise (didn't need a passport to go to Mexico then). So it shows me that it was never changed. On file with the SS office is the birthday I have been celebrating for the past 29 years.

So as of now, I am going with the fact that I can now legally celebrate my birthday on two days. More cake for me!!

P.S. My sister's smart ass comment was- Do you turn 30 twice now? (The next birthday will be the big 3-0!)

Made from Scratch Cake in 5 Minutes-NOT A MYTH!

Only thing now standing in between me and made from scratch chocolate cake is five minutes. Yes, I repeat, FIVE minutes!! Crazy, right?! Here's the kicker...it's made in a coffee mug, in the microwave!

Here's the secret recipe.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg beaten

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

A small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.

Add the egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..

Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

Reason most people don't make a chocolate cake on every whim they get is because of several things. One, they don't have all the ingredients that the recipe calls for. The scary part for this recipe is on a daily basis ALL the ingredients for this recipe are in my house. Two, when you start to crave chocolate cake, you kind of want it right then, not an hour from now, and most times you don't even want to spend 15-20 minutes prepping batter, pans, etc to put in in the oven. The problem with this recipe is, you can mix it together in the mug (I recommend a bowl, then pouring it into the mug) and then pop it in the microwave, start to finish....under five minutes.

(This was mine last night, I kept it light with only half the portion and topped with whipped cream and fresh berries)

As I mentioned to my friends that received this recipe yesterday. It's verrrry verrryyy: good for my sweet tooth, bad for my A$$.

(Besides myself, several of my friends tried making it last night. It gets a A+ for simplicity, a C for consistency. It's a little spongy. Next time I will try lower power on the microwave for a bit longer.)

Make it a double

I got to spend the weekend with two beautiful baby girls. Sofia and Eliza, belong to my very best friend. We took them shopping, and I explained to them the importance of a good pair of jeans. Auntie Kelly had to buy them each a pair.

I have to hand it to my bff, she's one hell of a woman. I don't think I could handle two babies at a time...ALL THE TIME! Kudos to her!!

"Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice."

I'm Itchy...you be scratchy

For our first dance, I selected Blake Shelton's 2011 smash hit, Honey Bee. I didn't wait for it to get popular to chose it, I chose it the moment I heard the words the very first time. Reason #1- Fall of 2007 we decided to part ways, we were broken up for about 8 or 9 months. In August of 2008 he contacted me to see if I would be at the Sadler Barn Party. The Sadler Barn Party is a fan event in Emporia, Va thrown by NASCAR brother's Elliott and Hermie Sadler. At the time, I was working for the race team that Elliott was driving for. I told him that I was indeed going to the event, as we were hosting several key sponsors at the event. This event is the reason we started speaking again, or at least he used this event as a reason to talk to me. He was at the event as well for work.

The main performer for this party was one of Elliott's good friends, Blake Shelton (Blake Shelton is reason #1)

Reason #2- In 2006 when we were traveling ALOT together for work (we were working together that year), I found out the Phoenix, AZ area has some sort of vengenance against my skin. We went there twice, and both times, I would break out in some sort of hives. They would start on my arms and by the end of the weekend I was down benedryl like it was my job! My (what I think is cute) way of asking for him to scratch my back, arm, or leg, I would say "I'm itchy, you be scratchy."(the you be, I'll be words in the lyrics of Honey Bee are reason #2)

Reason #3- It wasn't a traditional slow song.

Honey Bee

Click the song title to see the video

Girl, I been thinkin' 'bout us

And you know I ain't good at this stuff

These feelings pilin' up won't give me no rest

This might come out a little crazy

A little sideways, yeah maybe

I don't know how long it'll take me but I'll do my best

If you'll be my soft and sweet

I'll be your strong and steady

You'll be my glass of wine

I'll be your shot of whiskey

You'll be by sunny day

I'll be your shade tree

You'll be my honeysuckle

I'll be your honey bee

Yeah, that came out a little country

But every word was right on the money

And I got you smilin' honey right back at me

Now hold on cause I ain't done

There's more where that came from

Well you know I'm just havin' fun, but seriously

If you'll be my Louisiana

I'll be your Mississippi

You'll be my little Loretta

I'll be your Conway Twitty

You'll be my sugar baby

I'll be your sweet iced tea

You'll be my honeysuckle

I'll be your honey bee

Your kiss just said it all

I'm glad we had this talk

Nothing left to do but fall in each others arms

I coulda said I love you

Coulda wrote you a line or two

Baby, all I know to do is speak right from the heart

If you'll be my soft and sweet

I'll be your strong and steady

You'll be my glass of wine

I'll be your shot of whiskey

You'll be my sunny day

I'll be your shade tree

You'll be my honeysuckle

I'll be your honey bee

You'll be my Louisiana

I'll be your Mississippi

You'll be your little Loretta

I'll be your Conway Twitty

You'll be my sugar baby

I'll be your sweet iced tea

You'll be my honeysuckle

And I'll be your honey bee